12/19/10

As of today, it has been 8 weeks since I last smoked! That’s the Good

Here’s the Bad….i’ve no doubt that I have packed on several pounds…

And now for the Ugly….getting fatter is truly ugly…lol

On another note….i’m sick to death of patting my friend on the back… you had Lap Band surgery 1 1/2 years ago…ENOUGH ALL READY,FUCK!

yes, you’ve lost weight, yes, you look great, yes, I am happy for you…….and I truly am

but enough already…you have a contraption in your gut that prevents you from eating the obscene amounts of food you used to consume….it’s no surprise that you’ve lost weight…

quit making people think that you have all of the sudden gained some enlightenment and control & that this is an accomplishment of your own…it isn’t

you don’t go to the support meetings as you should, nor are you honest with your Dr. regarding your diet

this has not changed the way you eat……you still eat all the fat and gristle off a piece of meat

you drink chocolate milk by the gallon, whipped cream by the can, pudding by the cup & mashed potatoes with gravy by the pint

you don’t chew your food the way you should, according to the Dr.

you eat king sized candy bars without a thought

and I’m supposed to keep saying ‘woo-hoo’ you’ve lost 150lbs!

yes, I am happy that you’ve lost a ton of weight, yes, you now weigh less than me….and most of all….

YES, I’m disappointed in myself for not losing the weight I need to lose….but I could never do what you have done

sept 3, 2010

i'm tired of crying...i'm tired of caring.....i'm tired of wanting....i'm tired of hurting

why is it that when i finally am willing to attempt to open myself up to someone.....they then tell me that they might move out of state, out of my life, out of my heart

this is why i haven't tried.....tried to build new realtionships, friendships......wtf?

i'm tired.....tired to trying....to be someone that someone wants to spend a life with

Why am I having such a hard time finding a ‘special friend’ that is interested in hooking up as often as I’d like? Wtf?? Do men hit their 30’s and then suddenly lose interest? I’m so aggravated…. Ok, trying to get over it……hahaha

boo-hoo

three days ago i was crying my eyes out.........for the majority of the day.....can't wait to stop having a period......emotional exhausting depressing days suck......wtf.....

Thought of the day: Women are like Angels, And when someone breaks our wings.... we simply continue to fly......... on a broom stick... We are flexible like that....

If you always put a limit on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.” Bruce Lee quote

03/31/10

03/31/10 30 min recum bike
30 min treadmill


03/30/10 30 min recum bike
60 min treadmill

i kissed a boy! drove Tony home & we kissed.......hhhmmmm......possibilities abound

last nite, however, new schedules were handed out......we will be working 1 nite during the week... this is to my benefit, or detriment.....that is yet to be shown

do i?

the question is, do i open another bottle?

wanting

i'm watching a vin desiel flick.........thinking about my spare tire......haven't' seen him in years...... bummer, could use him now.....hahahaha.......also have had a bottle of wine.....missin' my spare right about now....too bad i don't have a spare tire here in henderson yet

3/27/10

3/27/10 60 min treadmill avg. speed 2.6 5%
3/26/10 60 min treadmill avg. speed 2.6 3%
3/25/10 30 min treadmill avg. speed 2.4

go red, pre-program post

stop smoking completely
workout daily....at least 6 days a week
think every time before putting anything in my mouth
figure out how to start loving myself
i still need to lose a minimum of 100lbs, but 125 would be better....(feasible?)

Go Red

just do it!

2/18/09

another day, another dollar....so they say......well, at least it's not another pound on....haha

i have to kick myself in the butt & remember that giving up is not an option....

eventually the "click" is going to stick.....

i have a friend (I’ll call carol) who started out at about 380lbs in april 09....she has had gastric band surgery (in july 09) and has lost 82lbs since april

carol decided about 10 years ago that the "only way for her to lose weight would be with 'her operation'"

by the way, carol has ‘grown’ over the years….over the past 25 years….her weight issues will not be solved with 'her operation'….she needs to deal with her past issues, abuse being the big one

i have always found it to be disappointing, lazy and the easy way out for her…(please don’t flame me, I am entirely aware that the surgery is not easy, nor is the rest of your life afterwards....but if you haven't even attempted diet and exercise...)

carol never moved or tried to control her eating….’her operation’ was the only way

carol’s diet now consists of: coffee, mashed potatoes & gravy, jell-o, pudding, and oddly enough…prime rib

i had a trainer for a minute, (economics being what they are now) who I had discussed carol’s impending surgery with…everything the trainer said has come to fruition

my trainer had 2 clients, husband & wife that both had surgery, lost weight & then turned around and gained quite a bit back by not following a proper diet & eating lots of soft food

i’m trying very hard to support carol, but her complete disregard for following the doctor’s and nutritionist's orders/recommendations is pissing me off…..

and yes, wrong as it may be….i’d rather be fat than have a contraption in me that I’ll have to worry about for the rest of my life

I guess; no, i know i have now allowed this whole situation into my psyche….

there is no magic pill, drink, surgery or diet….truly, no easy way out

exercise, and diet are the only way for me to get my weight, health & psyche right

enough of my tale of woe…..i know what I need to do….it was just nice to be able to vent

every day is a new start to the rest of my life…..gotta make it a great one!

random

i need to start writing down, like really using a pen to paper, some stuff......just lazy i guess

it's the best way to be honest, however, i wouldn't want anyone to read it...folks would be hurt...it's not personal.....it's just how i feel, and i have a right to feel however i feel



anyway, honest and true weight has gone down again.......sweet!....still have a long road ahead, but getting there :P

01/10/10

01/06 45 recum bike, 10 tread, 10 stairstepper
01/07 45 recum bike, 10 tread, 10 stairstepper
01/08 45 recum bike, 10 tread, 10 stairstepper
01/09 50 recum bike, 10 tread, 11 stairstepper

haven't gone to the gym yet today......but i had a beer & 3 slices of pepperoni for breakfast
fuck it, it's my friday

01/05/10

45 min recumbike
10 min treadmill

01/02/10

1/1/10 30 min treadmill
1/2/10 30min recumbicke 10 min treadmill