Friday, July 31, 2009
july 31
Ok, so after a fantastic camping trip & visiting friends & over 2100 miles….i’m home! The pooches were fine & I was happy to see them. I’m having a hard time getting on a schedule….my sleep pattern is just screwed. It’s 7pm & I have ‘napped’ since 3! Yikes, need to eat some protein and start on laundry. Well, the eating will happen……lol
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
gym
Went to the gym today…again without eating ..9am appt with my trainer….cluster fuck….mental note: EAT SOME FUCKING THING BEFORE WORKING OUT….dumbshit
Never in my ‘aware’ life did I EVER think I’d be this out of shape…correction, did I think I’d become physically ill trying to get back into shape. This is the third week in a row that I have felt nauseous during a workout. Mind you, I’m not doing shit really…..my body is just that far gone……it’s quite depressing, really.
How long have I been ‘un-aware ‘ is the real question? Just living on auto-pilot? Couldn’t tell ya. I’ve been off work almost a year. The previous two years felt entirely out of my control. One year mom was sick, then diagnosed, then miserable, then dead. The following year I just went thru the motions of work, eat, breath, repeat…until my sister was actually ready to start the process of selling the property.
Certainly, the last three years I haven’t been ‘living’………..and I would think that at least two years before that as well……so, it’s been a good 5 years on auto-pilot. And I have absolutely gone to pot…as in a mess, not drugs. Drugs and drinking have never been my real ‘thing’……that would be food. And that would be a whole kettle of fish….as my grandma would say.
Love to eat…..where will we go? What will I have? How soon will it happen? That’s pretty much it……fill the immediate need….not a lot of thought goes into it.
I have done it before…..gotten back to my fighting weight, as it was…..just don’t know what to fight for now…..i’ve been alone so long………….oooohh-weee………looks like I’ve got issues……duh, I KNOW…I just have to figure out some sort of priority…..whathefuck….ok……that’s way enough for now…
So yeah, I went to the gym today and worked out with my trainer for about 40 minutes….ciao for now
Never in my ‘aware’ life did I EVER think I’d be this out of shape…correction, did I think I’d become physically ill trying to get back into shape. This is the third week in a row that I have felt nauseous during a workout. Mind you, I’m not doing shit really…..my body is just that far gone……it’s quite depressing, really.
How long have I been ‘un-aware ‘ is the real question? Just living on auto-pilot? Couldn’t tell ya. I’ve been off work almost a year. The previous two years felt entirely out of my control. One year mom was sick, then diagnosed, then miserable, then dead. The following year I just went thru the motions of work, eat, breath, repeat…until my sister was actually ready to start the process of selling the property.
Certainly, the last three years I haven’t been ‘living’………..and I would think that at least two years before that as well……so, it’s been a good 5 years on auto-pilot. And I have absolutely gone to pot…as in a mess, not drugs. Drugs and drinking have never been my real ‘thing’……that would be food. And that would be a whole kettle of fish….as my grandma would say.
Love to eat…..where will we go? What will I have? How soon will it happen? That’s pretty much it……fill the immediate need….not a lot of thought goes into it.
I have done it before…..gotten back to my fighting weight, as it was…..just don’t know what to fight for now…..i’ve been alone so long………….oooohh-weee………looks like I’ve got issues……duh, I KNOW…I just have to figure out some sort of priority…..whathefuck….ok……that’s way enough for now…
So yeah, I went to the gym today and worked out with my trainer for about 40 minutes….ciao for now
Sunday, July 12, 2009
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