2/29/12 update

made a pizza out of a half loaf of garlic bread with pizza sauce, pepperoni, chezz, & marinated artichoke hearts

watched Biggest Loser

ate some brownie, had 2 beers, a glass of milk & made a shake with milk, ice, banana, peaches & cream

ate too damn much, don't feel horrible, but certainly not good or great....o well, everyday is a challenge....the past 3 days were great, so a small dive is ok...

i did my work out......and that is the most important part

2/29/12

Day 4, workout 1

Gonna have to get some weights…..maybe in a couple weeks (after I get paid, again)

Sweating, sweating, sweating during the workout…this is good…not having any balance is not good

Ok, right leg balance is not good…left is a bit better

Pleased that I have stuck with this for 4 days

Today is February 29th….Leap Day!

So, if I had a boyfriend, and we were serious, a really serious relationship….today would be the day I could propose to him

But that would require having a man in my life…..who was in love with me, and only me

That will not happen until I have learned how to love myself

2/28/12

Day 3, Cardio 1
I did it! ok, I couldn’t do the ‘running man’ straight arms & legs, jump & switch….not enough strength to jump into the air & switch legs…feel like a retard, but oh well

Feeling pretty good still, eating ok

Had a peanut clif bar & sting chez for break w/a diet pepsi

Chicken & turkey w/chez & crackers lunchable, lemonade, mixed fruit & vanilla greek yogurt & snack size nutella & crackders

Going to make another taco salad to eat today

Saw matt (from walmart) last nite at work, nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time….he said that I looked good & didn’t need to worry about losing any weight

Well, I’m obese, so I need to lose….but it was nice to hear

2/27/12

Day 2, workout 2
Well, not dead yet..haha…was sore from yesterday’s workout, so I’m sure to feel this one tonite

The previous post I bitched about holly…cuz I won’t take the easy way out to lose weight & I feel like she did

I know that she has to deal with it for the rest of her life, a contraption in her gut preventing her from eating as much as she wants to…but it still is chickenshit to me

I am an emotional eater, just like the majority of obese people

I know how to eat correctly, just like the majority of obese people

Ate lentil soup for dinner w/tomato & green onion

At work, hostess cupcakes & jerky & cheez for break w/diet pepsi…I know, crap

Fruit & Greek yogurt for lunch w/diet pepsi for lunch

Making taco salad for breakfast after I shower, gonna use hamburger cuz I like it better than turkey, salsa, fat free sour cream, guacamole, cheez , red onion & some chips on iceberg

Well see how it goes

O, bought battery’s for the scale & still can’t get it to work…wtf!

2/26/12

I’m posting here cuz Im a chickenshit.

I’m a chickenshit cuz I haven’t finished anything in a very long time
DIET EXERCISE LOVE SELFWORTH all words that do not describe me

These are words that should describe me

A ‘friend’ (‘friend’ because we haven’t had a real balanced relationship in many years) who weighted 400 plus pounds had gastric/lap band surgery 3 years a go

She has now lost over 250 pounds

She was an angry self-centered bully before, it hasn’t changed….except that she has become a whore. I take that back, because I stopped spending time with her several years ago because she was being a whore

A whore cuz she was fucking 12 guys, that I knew of, in 18 months…..those were the men I knew about……I absolutely know that there are/were more. This was in the last 2 years….2010-2012

I am now 46 & ¾ years old.

I don’t’ know for sure my weight, cuz the scale batteries are dead.

I would expect about 290

I’m 5’71/2”

That is just a gross amount of weight

I bought the Jillian Michaels body revolution dvd workouts

Tonite I did the first one, I’m beat but feeling good had to open the slider about half way thru the workout…sweating

The heater came on…it’s supposed to come on at 65 degrees…I closed the slider after the workout cuz I got cold & had to put on a sweatshirt

Now, on tv is Beijing 2008: America’s Olympic Glory…….there are no coincidences, its’ inspiring to see what these athletes have done to get where they are

I was an athlete before…I was…..i will be again, proud of what I can do, proud of who I am

When I allow myself to have that again, have selfpride, selfworth & selflove….when I allow myself to have ALL that again…that is the time that I will find love

Well, that was a big random vomitious post….they will get better…as I get better