Yesterday was a longtime friend’s birthday.  This is the same person who lived with me for 4 months and paid me $120, but cost me hundreds….i would guess at the very least she cost me $1000……she has made NO ATTEMPT to pay me back

On my birthday, we went for a breakfast at a fav wing restaurant….cost of maybe $25, including tip

We went to dinner last nite….5 people, $230….that’s $46 per person.  Her daughter “added up” their meal & came up with $81 for the two of them…….oh hell fucking no!  I put that shit right into check

Additionally, when I was originally told about this restaurant….i was told it would be about $25-$27 per person…..it was almost double that

I’m seriously screwed until I get paid in a week

I informed my sister that next year, we would be going to a very expensive place for my bday

Frustration level is HIGH!

 

Ps…..none of her other people…..(like 5) showed up for dinner

how to end

How to stop…

Thinking, paining, pleasuring?

I’m not sure of the reasons or direction but I do know how

Why should I

I hate it

I need it

I want it

I can have it…its free…

The cost is astronomical

Disgust?  No

Frustration?  Enormous

Will I give it up?

NEVER

How to start?

Last nite, before I woke up, I dreamt that my three cars had been stolen…..i only have two cars, and of the three, the only one I remember was a brown MG….my father had a brown MG (that when he got it and fixed it up, I thought it would be for me…silly me…I never got anything from him I didn’t OVERLY deserve)

Then, a woman with dark hair was using bolt cutters, jabbing the into the exterior door jab, trying to get to the deadbolt to cut it and break into my house

I had trimming shears, you know, they’re like scissors used to cut delicate plants, as my weapon….the blades are much longer and thinner than the bolt cutters………..i was stabbing back at her

Needless to say, I woke up very disturbed……not nearly the stress, anxiety and realism that I had during the Demon Dream, but I didn’t feel normal……very defensive of my home, space, babies (my poopers) and the like

I seriously considered calling in to work…….but realistically, I can’t afford days off without pay

Speaking of which, time to check out the portfolio…burn some candles….say some words, with meaning and take charge of what is mine…

hair/sodomy

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me god.

In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost. Amen.

Sodomy
Fellatio
Cunnilingus
Pederasty

Father, why do these words sound so nasty?

Masturbation
Can be fun
Join the holy orgy
Kama Sutra
Everyone!

 

holyshit....life seems really crazy sucky....work sucks, personal life...what personal life?

LOL

fav line from City Slickers, "if hate were people, i'd be China"

gotta change this attitude and outlook

does life teach before death

So last Saturday, about 5:15p, Rosi died…..she was the mom of some of my friends that I met in childhood..she was 77 and a diabetic and overweight and probably had a heart attack

I am unable to attend the funeral, but was there at the most important time in her family’s life, at her death

A couple of things:

First I was feeling bad that I couldn’t make the funeral….but now I see that this is the time for the family to actually get their collective shit together and take care of one another

Second, the youngest child, he will be wracked with guilt….i told him that he needed to move back closer to home…instead, he started a business

Thirteen months ago the father had a medical emergency while on a family trip….the youngest child fell right-the-fuck-apart…..it was the big-ass clue life was sending him to move…but his selfish fear of dealing with ANY type of confrontation has now left him with the memories from thirteen months ago and what could have been

I guess what I’m saying is, when life sends you a clue, be sure to figure out what it means to your life and move forward with it in a positive manner

Some days suck more than others

Ya know....or you will know now....I want someone to share my life with...I just don't know how to accomplish it
I know how to get things or results in myself, but I don't have the first idea on this
And in so many ways, I really don't have anyone
It really makes it hard to bother getting up and living everyday
Blah blah blah....sad and lame and pathetic all at the same time....boo-fucking-hoo